Your pale blue eyes scorn me.
How could you? Is what they say.
You’re a liar and a cheat.
Telling me you loved me but giving yourself to him.
Did you love him?
Was it worth it?
He was my best friend and this betrayal is worse because
He now knows you more than I ever did.
We were supposed to be together,
‘Til “Death do us part,” but
I guess that you didn’t want that.
I guess you didn’t know how to truly love me in return.
Did you ever?
Was I just a game?
Just a toy, or a pawn?
A piece of paradise,
If only for a moment of safety, but
The illusion fades when I walked into my own home,
Surprised to find you my love, with another.
You told me that you would stop.
You told me that you would stop seeing him.
How many times have you seen him,
Since I have asked you to stop?
How many lies have you told me?
I tried to ignore the signs of your lies.
Each fragment piling onto the other, and
Telling their own story.
I knew, I just didn’t want to believe
That you could be so cruel.
That you could trick me at my own heart’s expense.
Now I lie here in my cold house
That’s empty of you,
The only woman I ever loved.
The prostitute turned into a beauty queen.
The temptress and actress
Who was so perfect at following her lines.
You knew I was easy for you.
Soft not only in my loin, but in my heart and mind.
Advantageous like a snake,
I curled myself around you like the mother I never had.
Suckling at your breast because
I needed you like I thought you needed me.
After you lost your son,
I thought I could replace him and
We could start our lives together.
I thought you could stop your profession.
I thought you could love me.
Did you ever?
My hands lay on the cold tile floor.
Feeling the memories of our love turned frozen.
I feel the barrel at my feet and pull it close.
I envelope the metallic barrel.
Like a straw of a milkshake I had as a child.
I dream of better times as I pull the trigger and
Forget this torture I have put myself through.
My body goes limp as my blood trickles into yours.
We blend together in death
Like we have never done in life.
I really did love you.
I have just never loved myself.