Mother’s Day, Reminder of Not

Mother’s Day
A reminder of the Not
Not a mother
Not a daughter
Not a “real” orphan but
Motherless nonetheless.
Not alive but always alone.
The not, a member of a family that wants.
Knots of my stomach.
The knots in my mind.
The nots of my choices and the knots left behind.
A riddle
A clue
A thought left or two
Who am I truly
And will I ever not miss you?